I nicknamed her “Smiley.”
I didn’t know her real name for the longest time, but early on I pegged
her as a top contender for the grand prize in ABC’s reality hit “True
Beauty.”
For those who don’t watch reality TV (or won’t admit to it as
shamelessly as I do), here’s the premise of the show: Gather together a bunch of hot-looking people
and have them compete in a series of ridiculous competitions to win a wad of
cash, a photo spread in People magazine,
“most beautiful person in America.” What
they didn’t know – and the viewers at home did
know, was that there were hidden cameras following them everywhere. See, the judges weren’t looking just for
outer beauty – but inner beauty as well.
Naturally this led to all sorts of trouble as the so-called beautiful
people showed their shallow colors, never in on the joke. Then, each week, a crying “beauty” would go
home blaming bad editing , rather than bad behavior, for his or her tactless performance.
“I am a wonderful
person” the contestant would inevitably snivel.
Sure you are – you’re charming as hell when it’ll work for you. Ah, but Smiley, she was a wise one. Sure, she wasn’t as entertaining to watch as
the rest of the cast, who behaved so badly we were grateful to see their pretty
portraits ceremoniously tossed in the trash as they were shown the door.
No, Smiley played the
game a different way. Maybe she didn’t
know the judges (and viewers) were watching her every move and setting up hidden
challenges to entrap evildoers, but she was wise enough to realize that she was
on TV. She knew that no amount of “bad
editing” would make her look evil if she didn’t – well – do anything bad. What a
refreshing thought. We could all learn a
lot from Smiley.
Sure, it’s a reality show, but it’s not as if the Smiley
strategy is an invention of reality TV.
Most of us learned or heard about it once upon a time. Most
of us learned some form of The Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you.” Most of us have heard it - but how many of us have
really reflected on what that means? How
many of have conveniently reworded this golden rule into something more
self-serving, such as “Do unto others – if it’s useful to you.”
The golden rule is open to interpretation – every person has
a different idea of how he or she would want to be treated. But I’m willing to wager we all want to be
treated with kind sincerity and common courtesy regardless of our “rank” in any
real or perceived social hierarchy. I
harbor an idealistic vision that people can and will like me for who I am – not
what they think I can do for them. Yet
there’s a reason why so many “True Beauty” contestants were snared on tape
mistreating gardeners and coffee gofers.
They may be shinier, prettier and more openly obnoxious than most humans
– but beneath the surface they’re as flawed as the rest of us.
We are all
fallible. We treat respect and kindness
like precious resources, bestowing it upon those we deem “worthy.” How we decide who’s worthy? That’s in the eye of the beholder, but it
seems worthiness is measured by looks, money, or status. The more a person has of those “qualities”,
the better (generally) a person will treat her. Perhaps it’s rooted in some belief that these
qualities are contagious: by befriending those with status, we will become more
beautiful, powerful people by association.
Sounds fun – who wouldn’t like beauty, power and praise? But is that how you judge a person’s
worth? Is that how you want someone to
judge your worth?
I can only answer for myself, but what I have or look like
at a given moment in my life is not the totality of “me.” At most, it reflects what I value. But it doesn’t
reflect my value. I’m sure it does in some people’s eyes. I often feel that my relative worth changes
depending on whether a person views me as a poor woman, a black woman, a sick
woman, an angry woman, a journalist or a powerful attorney. Is any one of those people more deserving of
kindness or compassion and praise than another? Many people seem to think so. As for Smiley, she’s learned better than
that. She’s learned to keep her shallow
judgments to herself and treat everyone she meets with respect. You might be tempted to brush her off as a
ditzy reality show pageant queen, but if you did you’d miss the lesson behind
Smiley’s bright-white grin. The pageant
queen showed us all what makes a person truly beautiful.
